


Turn

by nevertoomanyfloralshirts



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Identity Reveal, Kara Danvers Needs a Hug, Lena Luthor Finds Out Kara Danvers is Supergirl, Lena Luthor Needs a Hug, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-15
Updated: 2019-05-15
Packaged: 2020-03-05 16:23:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18832285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nevertoomanyfloralshirts/pseuds/nevertoomanyfloralshirts
Summary: Lena turns aroundorA small oneshot to put on top of the wound that was the almost reveal. If you found yourself screaming at Lena to turn around, you might find some momentary relief here.





	Turn

**Author's Note:**

> I'm aussie so all spelling and mistakes are homegrown down under

“Kara, please, I’m trying to apologise to you. That explosion could have killed you!”

 

A beat. Kara can feel her chest constricting, she tears off her glasses before she can decide against it.

 

“It…it wouldn’t have.” Kara manages to force out. She stands up, Supergirl is a physical presence, she squares her shoulders and tries to breathe normally.

 

“Lena”

 

But the other woman has her back to her. Kara isn’t ready, she puts her hands on her hips, hoping that the stance will give her the confidence she is so desperately trying to maintain.

 

Lena doesn’t turn around.

 

“I don’t let my guard down. Ever. And I did with Eve.” Lena states, “And she betrayed me”.

 

Kara swallows through the tearing in her chest.

 

Lena doesn’t turn around.

 

“I let her in, and she lied to me. Every day to my face about who she was. And that’s what hurts. I don’t know if I’ll ever recover from it. But I know that there is no way I could trust anyone again…”

 

Kara can barely look at her. This won’t end well. It can’t end well.

 

Lena doesn’t turn around.

 

“…if it wasn’t for your friendship and your integrity.” The woman continues.

 

And how that almost breaks Kara’s resolve. Such a fragile thing. Why should two people suffer when one is enough. Kara can bear the guilt. Lena doesn’t need more pain, more betrayal. Kara won’t hurt her. She promised to always protect her, to always be there for her. Lying to her best friend every day is her guilt and shame to carry. She won’t do this to Lena.

 

“Just… it means the world to me, Kara.”

 

Kara looks at the glasses in her hands. They’re shaking. If only they could see the girl of steel now. Tight chest, shaking hands, hardly able to breathe let alone talk. It’s ruining her. She can’t do this anymore. She tightens the hold on her glasses.

 

Lena doesn’t turn around.

 

A single tear tracks its way slowly down the blonde’s cheek.

 

“Lena… please.” Kara manages to gasp out. Her words are shaky put she forces them out “I’m always going to be here for you.”

 

Kara can move faster than a speeding bullet, her nerves racing unlike anything a human can imagine. If anyone knows what its like to have time stand still, it’s her. But time hasn’t stopped. It hangs heavy in the air around them and this time it’s Kara that’s frozen.

 

Lena turns around.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

Lena turns around and it takes all of Kara’s strength to look her in the eye. She can feel her lip shaking. Lena is about to say something, she doesn’t understand everything yet and if Kara doesn’t say something now she’s not sure she will be able to again.

 

Kara takes one step towards the brunette, then another and another until she’s directly in front of Lena. She reaches out to grab her hand and places the glasses gently in her palm before stepping back.

 

“Kara wha—”

 

“That’s not my name!” Kara bursts out. The panic in her voice surprises even herself. She hurries to correct.

 

“That’s not my full name at least. My real name is Kara Zor-El.”

 

Lena’s eyebrows start to come together in concern and Kara can’t stand to face her anymore so she looks at the ground beneath her instead.

 

“I wouldn’t have died in that explosion. It wouldn’t have killed me. Bullets can’t hurt me, fire can’t touch me, I don’t feel pain like humans do.”

 

And how it hurts to separate herself from humanity in front of Lena. She’s not human. She never was. Just masquerading about as a clumsy reporter.

 

She continues to stare at the ground. She doesn’t need to know what Lena’s face is saying. She can already feel it in her chest.

 

“I can lift a submarine and barely break a sweat. I can fly around the world in mere seconds. I’m not human and I’ve been lying to you this whole time. I’m…” and Kara almost chokes on her next sentence, staring at the ceiling instead, “…I’m from the planet Krypton.”

 

Another hot tear rolls down her other cheek can she can barely hold herself up anymore. She buries her face in her hands, swallowing a sob. She wanted to be strong when she did this. Confident. That’s who she was, a superhero. Never scared, never cowardly. She felt so far away from that now. All these years and she still felt like that frightened girl in her pod looking back at her world, about to lose everything.

 

Kara brushes the tears from her face and manages another shaky breath. She looks at Lena. Those beautiful green eyes already drowning in so much pain.

 

“I’m…I’m Supergirl.”

 

It sits in front of them. The final piece in the puzzle that is Kara Danvers. The plane drones in the distance. It feels deafening to Kara.  

 

“I’m so sorry Lena.”

 

Kara lets go.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

She let’s go.

 

She doesn’t want to be here anymore. She wants to fly, get away from here, away from this life and this lie she fostered.

 

But Kara does none of that and instead collapses into one of the plush leather seats on the jet. The tears run freely now and she feels like she’s panting trying to get air into her lungs. Kara knows what a panic attack is. She’s had so many in her young life. She closes her eyes and focuses on a sound. For a second all she hears is Lena’s heartbeat, but the pulse is becoming erratic and Kara can’t bear it. She continues to search until her ears come upon the consistent ticking of the clock in the cockpit. She hones in on just this sound and times her breathing to the ticking as well.

 

Four ticks in.

 

Four ticks out.

 

She’s not sure how long she does it for.

 

Four ticks in.

 

Four ticks out.

 

Four ticks in.

 

“Kara are you okay?”

 

And suddenly she can hear the entire jet again. The wind whistling on the wings, the slight rattle as the plane shakes in the friction.

 

She opens her eyes and Lena is standing only a few feet away from her. She doesn’t reach out to touch her or comfort her. But there is concern in her eyes, Kara hopes its concern.

 

“Kara are you having a panic attack?” Lena asks, and Kara hates that she knows that’s her formal business voice. Lena is maintaining control. Shutting herself off.

 

“Had” Kara manages to get out, “I just had a panic attack. But it’s fine, I’m okay I get them sometimes. It’s fine really.”

 

Kara hates that she rambles.

 

Lena just looks at her. She’s still holding on to the glasses. She glances down at them before holding them out to Kara.

 

“Will these help?”

 

Lena is so smart and it makes Kara sad. She nods and reaches out for the glasses, careful to not touch Lena’s hand.

 

There’s a pause and Kara can feel herself drowning in it.

 

“You clearly don’t need them to see. Do they help with other things? Lower your heightened senses or something?”

 

Lena, ever the scientist.

 

“Yes. The help me to focus, not hear everything at once. And they stop me from accidently using x-ray vision.” Kara replies.

 

Lena just nods.

 

She stands there staring at Kara, as if taking her in for the first time. There is no shame as she runs her eyes up and down her body as if searching for other clues to the hidden hero beneath.

 

Kara wonders if it’s obvious now.

 

She finally turns away and deliberately and slowly pours out two glasses of water. She returns and places one in front of Kara before taking the seat opposite her. She takes a long sip, her eyes never leaving the Kryptonian in front of her.

 

“I can’t say that this doesn’t hurt Kara. I’m not even sure I fully believe it right now. It just seems so wrong. You’re Kara Danvers, a reporter, someone who loves board games and her friends. And yet on the other hand this is so very you. Of course if Supergirl was to have an alter ego it would be someone so full of love they hardly know who to give it to next. And you were always there, trying to support me and protect me! Both of you! I’ve been such an idiot it seems so obvious now!” Lena rolls her eyes at herself.

 

“You’re not an idiot Lena!” Kara can’t help but interject.

 

“I am Kara. I’m meant to be smart. Maybe I just didn’t want to believe what was happening right in front of me. God, I have so many questions now. All those times you disappeared, all the times as Supergirl when you miraculously showed up! And you hated me! I made Kryptonite and you hated me for it!”

 

“Lena no, I couldn’t, I could never hate you” Kara tries to implore.

 

But Lena is on a tirade now and if she hears Kara she doesn’t acknowledge her.

 

“Everything in my life always ends up being a lie. You weren’t meant to be a lie Kara. For so long I was always ready for the pin to drop, for you to truly realise who I was. For you to just leave me there. But then the months rolled by and then years and you never did. It was such a new feeling. A friend. A trustworthy friend. Of course we’ve had our differences and I was always scared you’d finally leave me. But never. But even you, after all this time. Still holding on to this. Is it because I’m a Luthor? All this time keeping an eye on me? How could you do it?”

 

Those green eyes bore into Kara and she feels sick to her stomach.

 

“No. That was never the reason why. Please don’t ever think that. Think whatever you will of me, hate me if you want. But never, never think I didn’t tell you because of who you are. Just do that one thing for me Lena.” Kara is begging now.

 

“I was being selfish Lena. I wanted to tell you for so long. You kept having faith in me, sharing your secrets and I was just holding on to this huge barrier between you and me. You liked Kara Danvers. Stupid, clumsy, silly human Kara Danvers. You saw me and liked me and I didn’t want to give that up. I came with no baggage; I was just your friend and you were mine. I was so scared to lose that and the longer it went on the worse it got. You’ve been betrayed so many times and the entire time I knew I was the worst of them all. I couldn’t put you through that. But I was selfish and I wanted you to be Kara Danvers’ friend.”

 

Kara takes a breath and knows she’s crying again. She looks across and can see tears pooling in Lena’s own eyes as she looks at her.

 

Lena finally speaks.

 

“Why did you tell me then? After all this time? You knew it would upset me, you knew all of that and yet you still chose to tell me. To break my heart.” She chokes on those words. “We were doing okay Kara, fuck it, we were happy goddamn. Why would you choose to hurt me like this now why not wait until I found out later or something?”

 

And Kara honestly didn’t know until just now.

 

“Because it was going to hurt you later.” She whispers.

 

In the end it is just that simple.

 

There is a teary smile on her face when Kara speaks again.

 

“Why should I hurt you now when you are going to be hurt later? Because you are going to be hurt later”.

 

It was never going to be easy. The weight and the guilt still sit on her shoulders. But Lena knows, all the cards lay on the table.

 

All Kara can do now is hope Lena doesn’t turn away from her.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Isn't suffering fun!
> 
>  
> 
> p.s. If you recognise the ending from that episode of doctor who I salute you xx


End file.
